Man, I would have been so pissed. You looked great. They were morons.

I live in Bobigny and frequently knit on the Metro coming into Paris. I have received some very offended (ie. cela ne se fait pas en publique) looks from some of the women co-passengers. At best, I get some curious grannies who'd like to talk shop, but no one ever talks to me or says, "Oh I thought you were pregnant." Maybe it's not that you look pregnant, but maybe that they can't imagine why anyone would knit unless they were. Some people in France have very narrow world views, I've noticed.

LOL too funny of a story. I'm sorry it bugged you so much, people don't mean to be annoying, that fellow was probably just really lonely.

I am a knitter, and I am now pregnant. hmm.

I admit that I have been more pregnant since I became a knitter, then before I was a knitter.

Mostly I just knit and spin for the site I run, and so when someone approaches me, I'm more than happy to whip out a CD spindle and show them how. That shuts them up LOL, plus I usually make a sale.

I'm sure you don't look pregnant however, probably you just had a beautiful dewy "GLOW" that made him think that, probably nothing to do at all with tummies and ice cream.

That is awful! And no - you do not look pregnant!

What if I am pregnant? Does that mean I'm only allowed to knit for the baby and not for myself?

My only knitting=pregnant story is from several year ago: I was knitting an acutal baby sweater (a gift for a friend) and my FIL asked if that meant I was pregnant. I didn't mind too much because he only asked after my MIL had asked *what* I was knitting. Also, he's family so you have to cut them some slack. The same response from a stranger, however, would piss me off.

I've never had the guts to pull it off, but I've often thought that a great way to shut someone up if they asked if I was pregnant or planning on getting that way would be to let my eyes fill with tears and sniff something about "no...but hopefully someday..." Maybe that would make them realize how insensitive those questions are.

F-cking men and their assumptions.

Two suggestions--wear headphones and put up a little sign that says "leave me alone".

It helped me immensely when writing my dissertation in coffeeshops.

If you're more forward (like me) you can omit the two suggestions and just politely but firmly state: "I'm here to work and am asking you to leave me along."

Or "go away" works too.

Dye your hair gray. No one ever asks me if I'm pregnant while I'm knitting (I'm 54). Or move to New England; allegedly, we're reserved and polite here. [snort!]

Very good rant! I can see how annoying that must have been.

Kate, you don't look pregnant, and that knitting doesn't look like it's meant for a baby.

I'll quote my husband here:

Men are lunkheads.

I had a customer ask me if I was pregnant at a work related function a couple of weeks ago and I wasn't even knitting. I also have a toddler about the same age as yours and I really don't look pregnant at this point. However, I think it does have a little to do with the style of loose fitting shirts that are popular right now.

Regardless, it is just so RUDE to ask someone if they are pregnant when you are not 100% positive they are!

You do not even look remotely pregnant. Go back to that coffee shop with a pound of love called acrylic and wait for that mf'r. Tell him to shove it up his arse and also, by the way, I am the diva of all knitters, mister! Stand your ground, girl, even if it means sitting and enjoying your coffee shop. You have EARNED it.

I had that same experience! Well, without the French and it was only one guy and not several, but close! What's up with the knitting = pregnant assumption??

What? You didn't know knitting=pregnant? Really??? Okay, a bit tooo sarcastic, I guess. I'll stop now. Some people though.

Ah, the knitting means pregnant trap. My dentist, who knows damn well that I have two teens and we are keeping it that way, thank you very much, sees me knitting in the examining chair and says, "Bun in the oven, honey?" No, Bob, just making an afghan. "Oh, I thought because you were knitting, you were knocked up." No, just waiting for you to give me the green light to chew taffy. Honestly.

I love that shade of gray.

I hated knitting in public when I actually was pregnant - people always gave me this knowing nod. 'look how cute you are trying to knit while you're pregnant'.

And you don't even look a tad preggers.

I got that just last week -- although admittedly, I WAS knitting a baby blanket (one of two for a friend who's recently had twin girls). :)

Oh, look at that adorable grey baby blanket! :P

Holy cow!!! So many things to be annoyed by in that exchange! Having lived in Paris, I know what it's like to have people mime at you while having a conversation. Apparently, being foreign means you cannot POSSIBLY speak or comprehend French. Try miming back. I think it confuses them, but at any rate, it usually stops the pantomime.

As for pregnancy/knitting....*Sigh* I have been assailed (by total strangers, mind you) with the even more insulting "when are you due?" Like it's so obvious that I am pregnant there's no need to ask! This has happened when I am sans knitting. And I am not, nor have I ever been pregnant. Sometimes I give them the withering stare and state flatly that I am not; other times I smile sweetly and say, "Oh, no - I'm just fat!"; but usually I just assume that these people have been raised by wolves and leave it at that.

And why does knitting in public seem to invite conversation from dopes? As if by pulling out your project you have turned yourself into a quaint and interesting exhibit. However, meeting the occasional knitter (through wanton public knitting) makes it all worthwhile!

My uncle's brother just asked me this weekend if someone was pregnant because I was knitting on the sofa during a family party. I said no, which inevitably drew the question "then why are you knitting?". Umm, no reason really, it's just a massive part of my life, thanks.

I can't believe anyone would say you looked pregnant...it's just wrong, not to mention rude.

wow, that's totally offensive. i actually have no idea what you look like, i'm assuming that if i judge by the comments from people who DO know what you look like that those men were really just...offensive! people generally look at me oddly when they find out i knit. i've started added on a "ya, i knit, get over it, i'll be warm this winter"...

You most certainly do NOT look pregant. Sayeth the woman who is no longer and will admit that she wore maternity pants on Sunday because nothing else was clean. They should have been hanging off me a lot more than they were, is all I'll add to that.

A few months ago I was standing on a crowded subway train and a woman sitting at my belly level pointed at me and said "oooh, she's pregnant!" I was/am not pregnant, and was pretty offended. I have become a firm believer that the only marginally appropriate time to assume a woman is pregnant (and to say anything about it) is if you can see a baby on its way out. And even then, it would still be gauche.

SO RUDE.... lots of people in this town assume that because im knitting, it must be pregnant. we need shirts that say, im 'knitting, not pregnant' like those shirst that say 'pregnant, not fat'. ;)

LOL!!!!!! At least be glad you look young enough to be pregnant.

People always ask me if I'm going to be a grandmother (again)!!!!!!! I'm not even a grandmother once.

I think the assumption of pregnancy would be much better. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Three thoughts:

1. I have been asked if I was knitting for my baby. MY baby. I'm 19.

2. You do not look pregnant.

3. Find a new coffee shop.

It's totally not about how thin or fat you are -- I've had people ask me if I were knitting for a baby when I'm all of 110 pounds. At the time, I was making a sweater for myself. The *front* of the sweater, no less.

Well, I'm old as dirt so, despite my overweight condition, no one asks me if I'm pregnant when they see me knitting. I guess the grey hairs are good for something.

When I started knitting as a teenager, I remember several people asking if I was pregnant. Which was funny since I wasn't even dating! Sorry you had to deal with such rudeness... isn't it good that we get to rant on blogs? And to echo everyone else, no, you do not look pregnant!

You know, I wondered how your accent flew in Canada, and I thought to ask you but I didn't want to be rude. But it seems that would have been the rude tip of the iceberg, as it were. And they say Americans are crass!

P.S. You don't look pregnant. Not that that's a bad thing, just saying.

Next time a man asks you something like that, ask how he would feel if you questioned him about the bulge (or lack thereof) in his trousers--then point out your question would be almost as rude as asking about pregnancies!! And you might also suggest you're actually making a willy warmer, for someone much better endowed than him. Perhaps, after cleaning up the coffee he will have snorted out his nostrils, he might contemplate his gaucheness. One can only hope.
(And hurray for new babysitters--Enjoy!!)

my story in no way means that you look pregnant. because you don't. you looked really cute actually.

wow, that guy had a great idea! you should totally sell your knitting on the internets!! wow. what would we do without them?!

by the way, i've had a couple of people presume that i'm pregnant. it's kind of fun to watch their face fall when i turn around and say "no, i'm not pregnant, i'm just fat."

heh heh.

holy crap - how rude! Regardless of how a woman looks (and from those who know you sounds like you are not a candidate for "wow she looks pregnant"). I admire your restraint for not poking them with your needles!

The great thing about writing is you can take an incredibly annoying incident and turn it into something funny for others to enjoy. Nice work!

my 2 1/2 year old asked me the other day when the baby in my stomach was coming out. I told her there was no baby in my stomach. and she insisted that YES there is, it's right THERE while poking my belly. sigh. anyway, yeah, what is it with people always assuming you're knitting something for a baby? any time I'm in the beginning stages of anything, everyone assumes it's for my daughter and when I say it's for myself, they'll go "what? but it's so small!" people can't seem to grasp the idea that knitting always starts out small... :P

How obnoxious!

I have a lot of people comment on my knitting and how I should sell *whatever I happen to be working on at the moment*. Last time I was on the bus and the woman went on and on and on about how beautiful the hat was and how did I knit with 2 colors and how I should sell those hats because people would *buy* them and then I could make lots of money! I just nodded and smiled and didn't try to engage her in the debate about how it's really hard to make money off of just knitting things. Oh, and it was your Syncopated Caps pattern!

And, I'm sure you don't look pregnant either!

I was one that came back to knitting when I found that I was pg. I just don't see the connection that you can only knit if you are pg. Though. I just finished a hat and socks for a friend that is pg, but it isn't me. That knitting only if you are pg seems odd to me. I guess knitting is only supposed to be for babies? If so then I have been doing it wrong. LOL

I never thought about the connection between knitting and pregnancy before, but when I was pregnant I avoided knitting in public because I wasn't ready to "come out" yet. So I guess subconciously I must have realized that it would give people a clue. Maybe it's the fact that it's still (in spite of fact that lately it's exploded as a hip pass time) associated with domesticity?

Oh my GOD! That'll teach you to get a sitter and leave the house.

Ha, I loved the "you should get a website / sell your patterns / have them published in a magazine" part..!! :-D

the knitting looks beautiful and people are a hoot! being a teacher and being a round-figured woman, i have too often had innocent children pose the same (inappropriate) question to me on the days i chose to wear anything with an empire waistline! sigh

Oh my stars!!!!! You do not look even SLIGHTLY pregnant. And honestly? Even if you did, what a positively idiotic thing to ask. Sigh.

Oh, man - it sounds like you were surrounded by people with no concept of politeness. How irritating! I'd like to add on to your "knitting does not mean you are pregnant" by also saying that even if you're knitting baby stuff, it does not mean you are pregnant or even have kids - it could be for friends, or even for a donation. Sorry you had such a yucky day out :(

haha! like people in Montreal speak proper French! I spent a summer there after college, ostensibly practicing my French, taking a course at McGill that I never had time to take at my own university, and chasing a boy. Now when I speak to French French people, they always ask me (not in a good way) if I've spent time in Quebec. :(

My husband's boss asked my husband if I was pregnant when he learned I was knitting something. I think he was worried that the answer was, "yes" and they might not get to abuse him as much anymore.

There's some truth to the madness, though. I went to Michael's not that long ago, and I was shocked that the majority of the yarn was clearly for baby things. It was sickening really. Way too much pink.

wtf? seriously...people are stupid. and as for the cafe thing, i totally wear my ipod headphones when i'm out. even if i'm not listening to anything.

ps - so excited about a project for your site! can't wait to see it come together :)

I wasn't knitting, but I did have a co-worker ask if I was pregnant because I'd just announced that I was getting married. My mind reeled with sarcastic replies (thanks Charles Schultz).
I get the 'who are the booties for' when I KIP too - since I'm a grey-haired obviously too-old to be preggers myself. Somebody come up with the perfect put-down, please? For now I'm using Miriam's, it's excellent.

ha! you didn't even look pregnant when you actually were! annoying men. can i come knit with you, btw? we'll go to some other coffee shop, mind you.

A month back we went out for Chinese food, and on the way out the owner asked David if it was a boy or a girl. I had a bigger turtleneck on, but come on!

I don't even have any knitting to put the blame on. :s

Excellent rant, Kate! :D

(I should add, no I wasn't pregnant at the time either!)

You have to laugh really. Reminds me of when we had a real estate agent come around to look at our place and give us an opinion on what it would sell for. Upon completing greetings and self introductions he almost immediately said to me "Are you pregnant". I guess I was tired and slouching a bit, but I definitely wasn't knitting at the time!

People are nothing if not presumptuous and inappropriate. It has little to do with you.

Darn! I did not see you at Rhinebeck. (Looks like I missed seeing a lot of folks I wanted to see). However, I am so relieved that I am not the only one that happens to. I was waiting for my DH while he was getting a haircut, and 2 of the barbers asked me the same question. Why in the world do folks assume knitting = pregnancy?
=:8

Loved your story!! I had a great laugh,because you write it so well.

why do people think it's ok to comment *at all* on a stranger's reproductive status? I get "you're not having any more kids are you" from people I barely know at work. (I'm not, but I refuse to discuss it! )

OK, I must really be old. I used to get the pregnancy question/assumption, but the most recent personal comment about my knitting was: "Wow, you don't look old enough to knit." I wish I could say that it was a teenager, but the idiot was a woman in her mid-40's.

Thankfully, like pregnancy, idiocy isn't contagious!

Love the grey!!!

I'm so sorry (on behalf of the idiots that didn't apologize) you had to put up with so many kinds of rudeness. I once had a coworker ask me when I was due in front of a bunch of other people. Normally, I'm snarky and have a witty (if not equally rude) comeback, but that day I just burst into tears and ran away. I think the only other way I could have expressed how bad she made me feel would have been to punch her in the mouth, so at least I saved myself a lawsuit.

As for knitting, I dunno. Old television shows had weird rules about sexuality and I think showing a woman knitting baby clothes was code for pregnancy. It's possible that people are dense enough to believe that's the only reason one would knit anything now.

Sorry you had an annoying day at the coffee shop. At least you got a very funny story from it.
When my older son was three, two of my best friends were pregnant. He asked me, "When are you going to have your baby?" "I'm not having a baby." "But your tummy is so big!"

I am sorry about all the silly baby comments. I am very much looking forward to your new project though--I adore that shade of grey and your work, so the two together will probably be pretty great : )

OOoooooh, I hate that!!! Earlier this year I met a Bulgarian man in an airport. He was watching me knit for a while, then asked me where I was from. I told him I am American, and he promptly replied that, "American women don't knit." Uh...yeah we do. He kept insisting that Americans don't knit! I told him that lots of us do, and it's quite the thing, actually. It was kind of a funny conversation, with him insisting, and me sitting right in front of him...knitting!

You can't exactly use this, but...I can't get pregnant again, and when people ask me if I am, I tell them I can't. Stops the conversation immediately.

Of course, everyone gets all freakin' morbid on my ass after that, but...

You could say it was the ice cream, you know. I sometimes tell them it's the beer. They really go away after that.

Ok, now is the perfect time to tell you this. Remember when I met you at revival (and didn't have a clue who you were)? WELL, not only did you NOT look pregnant, but quite gorgeous, my friend commented as you walked away with Tadpole, "That girl is old enough to have a baby??" Seriously, what the hell are they putting in the coffe up there in Canada. (And no, I'm not kidding, she really did -- multiple times.)

The stereotypes we as knitters have to suffer!

Oh well, at least it's better than the assumption that you must be knitting for a grandchild, which is what I get! I can't decide if I look like someone's grandmother, or if they figure that since I look too old to give birth, I MUST be someone's grandmother-to-be ...

Oh well, at least it's better than the assumption that you must be knitting for a grandchild, which is what I get! I can't decide if I look like someone's grandmother, or if they figure that since I look to old to give birth, I MUST be someone's grandmother-to-be ...

I get that too. I was knitting baby bootees for a friend and I had a guy at work ask me if I was pregnant. The thing was, we had just found out like two weeks before hand. He didn't have a clue and only asked because I was knitting a baby thing. Of course I lied and said no. Some co-worker I just met wasn't going to be one of the first people I tell!

Now that I'm obviously pregnant, whenever I go into a yarn store, the people there always assume I'm a newbie knitter wanting to make baby things.

WTF? What morons. French Canadian men are even worse than the usual... Must find a different coffee shop!

Ug. I really hate that stereotyping. IN NYC during the Spin Out, we drew in quite the crowd. A man came up to me as I was spinning on my wheel and asked what we were all doing. After I explained it he replied "So, you are all a bunch of grandmas then?"
Yeah, I'm 25. and hardly even a mother yet. I laughed off his comment and turned my shoulder.

You didn't wave the needles at them and point at their eyes and make jabbing motions while you talked to get your point across to them that you were not pregnant and they were rude? UGH

Well, since I am pregnant and have only been able to knit a stitch or two the whole time I say HOGWASH!

And people are idiots. And assholes. And you looked great!

Hah! My boss taught me to knit, and once she was helping me through some snarl and one of her colleagues asked if she was pregnant again. Holy inappropriate, Batman! (I would have been so rude in that cafe... Sitting here even now thinking of unkind pithy things to say...)

That can get very annoying. You are so right about the knitting/pregnant stereotype. Did anybody ever notice how many sweaters are out there and that they are worn by adults?

Well...when I saw you I thought you looked great and not pregnant at all! What a weird thing...I am pregnant, and haven't felt good enough to leave the house yet, but I will let you know if I receive any knitting/pregnant comments....lol

Everyone who said you were pregnant should send you a dozen roses!! And since when is the only knitting done, for babies?? I hope you find a happier place to knit next time you go out. I love the gray yarn.

Oh, I HEAR you.
And they all think they're being nice!!!

projection or transference maybe? last week I was mistaken for pregnant by my insurance agent - and I didn't even have any knitting with me.

it truly is none of their business.

I think there is a correlation between winning $$ on a game show and being obnoxious. One of my office mates last year was a big winner, yet, a loser.

Good grief! I better keep my knitting at home because I do have a bit of a pot belly.

I think older people associate knitting with reproducing, especially older men, at least the ones I have dealt with. I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant unless she was clearly sporting a massive kicking belly and brought it up first.

Maybe they were just getting excited about the idea of a baby. The other thing I've learned about older men is that they adore being grandparents and tend to get excited about new babies more than when their own came along. Who knows, I hope the sitter worked out well for Tadpole though!

I would never ask anyone about their pregnancy that I don't know unless the person obviously has a protruding belly (and even then, probably not - you never know!). And I've been asked if I was pregnant countless times when I'm knitting too. My grandmother (poor dear) even got really excited once. She's been trying to get me to produce a great grandchild for her ever since I got married 3 years ago!

Intriguing peek at the new project. I'm glad you're making some stuff for your site! :)

If they think YOU look pregnant, heaven help the rest of us! Why do creepy men think that we only knit for babies, anyways?

Well, since I saw you in person at Rhinebeck, I feel I can say with some authority that you in no way look pregnant. So I don't know why someone in the yarn store would presume you were. As for the coffee shop guys, I think there is a presumption that a young woman knitting must be reacting to a motherly instinct, because so many people associate knitting with their mothers and grandmothers.

You look wonderful. And I suggest headphones for next time. Even if you don't listen to anything it will give the appearance of that and then the rude people will leave you alone.

Oh my gourds. What a nightmare. Since I just saw you a month ago, what the heck?! I'm annoyed just reading about your morning, but thrilled to learn about your new project :). I frogged my raglan.

You most certaintly do NOT look pregnant. (But, I've had that happen before and not liked it at all!) And how clueless for a stranger to ask in the first place.

OMG!! I routinely react exactly the same way as you, even though I think of witty things to say to people. For instance, it would have been awesome if you had said "You know, it's really rude to say a woman looks pregnant when she's not. Maybe you should SHUT THE FUCK UP!". An irate screaming, non-pregnant woman with pointy sticks might get the point across :)

My uncle saw me knitting on Thansgiving and asked if he had a grandnephew on the way. He also said that at my dad's birthday party.

I don't knit in public a whole lot because I don't want to talk to jerkoffs who have no clue but think they do.

One time, I was at my usual SnB and there was a fairly large crowd of knitters there. Some other people, including some older folks, had wandered into our coffee shop before a play in the attached theater. An older gentleman who had been looking at us came up and announced to the group "Wow, I've never seen such a large group of pregnant women together."

Yes, the pregnancy/knitting connection really pushes my buttons. God forbid that a woman would actually do something that she enjoys and make something for herself!

First, I always thought it was the height of poor manners to ask a woman her pregnancy status.

On the pregnancy-knitting assumption, that annoys me. I cannot express my feelings on the subject as well as I would like. To put it simply, I feel like it is a marginalization of women. When I am knitting for little ones, I usually reserve it for knitting at home rather than public knitting. I want to avoid the jackassery of people assuming I am pregnant, and all of the knitting-means-I'm-pregnant-connection. Still, I try to not get to worked up over it. It won't stop me from knitting, but it does make me think twice about knitting baby things in public.

No it does not!! You poor thing! A DPN in the butt would have served them both right. Kate you look wonderful and radiant and positively do NOT look fat nor pregnant! Perhaps the glow you were giving off mislead them both- oof! It's amazing how ignorant people can be! I chuckled loudly over MoR suggestions! Can you imagine if you had told him about your website, that you're a knit designer and all the patterns you've written for various mags? I would have given anything to have been a fly on the wall to see his expression after! The gray knitting looks intriguing...can't wait to see what it is!

That is so rude. I don't know why people think it's ok to assume that, or to ask that. God forbid you put on weight/wear baggy clothes/miss your period/or have a craving. What if you were pregnant? That's certainly no one business either way! GRRRR.

I am of the opinion that you never never EVER assume a woman is pregnant. Even if there are labor pains and the baby is crowning while you speak, do not ever tell her she looks pregnant unless she has confirmed it herself. Chances are you will be wrong. All of these occasions support my theory entirely!

I get that a lot too. Generally around here, people only knit when they're old or expecting. I'm none of the above!! So I totally understand where you're coming from!

ugh, how incredibly annoying for you! people should really mind their own business.

um, i saw you with melanie only briefly at Rhinebeck and i second! you do NOT look pregnant!!

I only saw you briefly at Rhinebeck but you do NOT look pregnant!